How To Waste Time

10:12 AM Bride asks, "Can you pick up fried rice for my lunch? They don't open until 11. Can you find something to do until then?" Me: "Have we met?" What transpires next is as follows: Gas station. One conversation, fill up, move on. 12 minutes. Ace Hardware. Furnace filter.…

I love you.

I am forty-eight, and I have achieved a kind of balance where I can now tell my friends I love them. It's liberating and invigorating and a lot of other action verbs (gerunds, I think) and I've waited my entire life for the satisfaction of having friends-- some who have…

I made Taylor Swift cry.

In a good way, and in a dream. I'll explain. Last night I dreamed she read one of my books (Heartborn), posted a video of herself crying about how it made her feel, and several things happened: The book became a sensation. It was made into a show on the…

Waking Up Kids.

There are three species of animals in this house. Cats. Dogs. A manchild. He's eight. He's five feet tall and weighs one hundred pounds. I am, at various times, tasked with waking/relocating these beasts as demanded. Cats are the easist; I make cooing noises in my ridiculous pet voice, they…

Getting Older.

As we roll into 2017, I'm one year closer to being fifty. I can't believe it. Regardless, due too eating to much between the hours of 1-3AM, which is apparently when I MUST HAVE CAKE, I started running last year. I love it. But, I only like running outside, and…