When Squirrels Attack

Squirrels are adorable terrorists. They're small, agile, cute, destructive, and recently, they attempted to take me out. Muerte. Dead. Doomed. Ixnayed. Rubbed out. Removed with extreme prejudice. Call it what you will, this was a clear attempt on my life. Some background: Our home is more than a century old.…

The Power of Pie

Today is National Pie Day, or Pi Day if you insist on the use of math. As a history professor, I naturally avoid any numbers that are more complex than, say, single digits. It's for our own good. Trust me. However, 3.14 is a number even I can remember, and…

Weight Loss Is Hard

As in, losing weight sucks. There's nothing good about my cyclical winter re-fattening. Here's how it seems to go: Summertime means running outside. Sunshine. Heat. Lots of summer-ish stuff, moving quickly and doing things for the sheer pleasure of being outside because life seems to really pop once the temperature…

The misery of dieting.

I began the Spring Pre-Running Diet. I will fist fight for: pizza, cheese, spicy tuna sushi rolls, cheeseburgers, fried anything, milkshakes, ice cream, pie, waffles, or cake. I will also, at the minimum, wrestle for pancakes, steak, eggs with actual cheese, a bucket of ketchup, mayo on a shoe, bread,…

Cancer took another friend.

Cancer-- the scourge of our lifetime-- took Dr. Lloyd Elliott this week. He was fifty, he was our family veterinarian, and he was a rare individual. My wife and I love our animals. We regard our relationship with them as a kind of covenant, and Dr. Elliott was a huge…

WE LOVE TO BARK.

We have five dogs of various breeds. All love to bark. Barking is their favorite thing, other than sleeping, but barking has to take place in strategically placed time zones in order to maximize its effectiveness. To wit: Barking before 7:00AM? Enthusiastic. Unending. Varying tones, pitches, and reasons. Early morning…

Send Egg Recipes.

I'm on a super complicated diet this Spring. It's mostly eggs, hot sauce, and eggs. Regardless, I'm asking the internet and my bookfriends if you have any recipes pertaining to the following food items: Eggs. Veggies, preferably a huge amount. I'm also doing a LOT of pushups, so anything that…

How To Waste Time

10:12 AM Bride asks, "Can you pick up fried rice for my lunch? They don't open until 11. Can you find something to do until then?" Me: "Have we met?" What transpires next is as follows: Gas station. One conversation, fill up, move on. 12 minutes. Ace Hardware. Furnace filter.…

I love you.

I am forty-eight, and I have achieved a kind of balance where I can now tell my friends I love them. It's liberating and invigorating and a lot of other action verbs (gerunds, I think) and I've waited my entire life for the satisfaction of having friends-- some who have…