Being Royal Is a Headache

It's hard to be royal. Being a queen means not belonging to yourself, I think. After studying royalty for years, I've come to the conclusion that it's a job one should consider carefully before taking the crown. Crowns are heavy, and they have a way of leaving the body with…

WE LOVE TO BARK.

We have five dogs of various breeds. All love to bark. Barking is their favorite thing, other than sleeping, but barking has to take place in strategically placed time zones in order to maximize its effectiveness. To wit: Barking before 7:00AM? Enthusiastic. Unending. Varying tones, pitches, and reasons. Early morning…

Fifty Shades of Suck.

I've got three *species* of vampires, ranging from sexy to, well, gross. In history, each culture has their own version, and it's here that I found my playground from which to draw ideas for how I'd approach the beasties. Vampires, like Christian Grey, might be considered predators, but to what…

Pushups are the Devil

I'm on this stupid health and exercise¬†kick, and it means giving up things like pie and cake for a while. As a man of a certain age, I have certain fears, which include (but are not limited to): Pleated khakis. Losing my hair. Belly. A larger belly. Chewing food like…

Send Egg Recipes.

I'm on a super complicated diet this Spring. It's mostly eggs, hot sauce, and eggs. Regardless, I'm asking the internet and my bookfriends if you have any recipes pertaining to the following food items: Eggs. Veggies, preferably a huge amount. I'm also doing a LOT of pushups, so anything that…

How To Waste Time

10:12 AM Bride asks, "Can you pick up fried rice for my lunch? They don't open until 11. Can you find something to do until then?" Me: "Have we met?" What transpires next is as follows: Gas station. One conversation, fill up, move on. 12 minutes. Ace Hardware. Furnace filter.…

Free Chocolate

Dark chocolate. Shaped like a star. From Roanoke. It's MINE. ALL MINE. I spoke at the Roanoke Regional Writer's Conference (say that fast, dare ya) and Liz Long rewarded me with dark chocolate. This is not a drill. It's fancy. I have an online release party tonight for an anthology…

I love you.

I am forty-eight, and I have achieved a kind of balance where I can now tell my friends I love them. It's liberating and invigorating and a lot of other action verbs (gerunds, I think) and I've waited my entire life for the satisfaction of having friends-- some who have…

Life Without Cookies

Or cake. Or pie. Or waffles, milk, flour, cheese, and joy, yes, there will be no joy, not in this house. Bride is doing a really interesting thing known as the Whole Life Challenge. It's kind of cool-- focusing on better food, plenty of sleep ( a must!), stretching, meditation,…