My dad passed away.

My dad passed away.

Dad passed away last night. He’d been fighting cancer for six years.

Life is going to change a lot even if I think it won’t. He was a complicated man who never truly recovered from the loss of his wife. When mom died twenty-one years ago, we lost our family despite our best efforts to keep it. He loved his family because we were everything he never had as a child.

We were a 1970s family. Dad was a lineman. Mom raised us kids. We never lacked anything because of how hard they worked. I learned by watching, even if it took me years to understand what real commitment to a family means.

I’ve thought, over the years, about the good things that are  part of me. He taught me how to be good to animals, how to interact with the natural world, and about loyalty and the value of work.

Losing him means being honest about a lot of difficult things. My own age. Our relationship. Wanting a family that is gone. Wishing for a life that can’t come back. Thinking of him as a person, and not a personification. Being thankful, even when I miss him. With each passing hour today, there’s a lot more hurt. I miss him. I miss my family. I don’t know how to explain wanting something that’s gone for good.

You can think you’re ready for things, but you’re not ready. You’re never ready. I miss him today, but I think I’ll miss a lot more things tomorrow, and beyond.

10 thoughts on “My dad passed away.

  1. So sorry for your loss Terry, I wish you peace and acceptance in your grief and may your good memories bring you joy in years to come. Take care of your family and yourself, prayers and blessings your way. Sincerely Paula

  2. I’m sorry for the loss of your father (my Uncle Terry). We know the complications that come with being a Maggert. There are no simple relationships and idyllic family lives. We can only take the lessons we learned growing up and use them as guidance or warnings for the next generation of Maggerts. Congratulations on your success. I know deep down inside “Yrret” was proud of you.

    1. It’s good to hear from you, Michael. Let’s do better at keeping in touch, and thanks. I think you understand this perfectly.

  3. I knew your dad before and after your mother, and listening to him talk made me wish I had known her as well. I know your life was complicated, but he was kind to me even when I was just the bratty little step-sister. We talked a lot this last couple of years. Hope you won’t mind if I pop in and out of your life once in awhile.

    1. Phyllis, I’m so glad to know you were a part of our lives, and would love to have you pop in. I’m thankful for all of my family– especially new-to-me-members 🙂

  4. I’m so sorry for your loss. My father died almost 15 years ago, and I still every once in a while see or hear something that I wish I could share with him. It gets easier, though.

    1. I’m sorry to hear that, Caroline. Mom died 21 years ago– I experience those same moments of wanting to pick up the phone and tell her things. It’s bittersweet, but more sweet than bitter now? Does that make sense.

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