I have a cold. I will die soon.

There’s no getting around it.

My son, the World’s Largest Eight Year Old, has infected me with a virulent form of the rhinovirus, which may or may not be a combination of the following diseases:

The Bubonic Plague



A Random Tropical Fever


These have combined for the following symptoms:


Producing more snot than my current body weight.


More snot.



I write this as a farewell to you all, and only ask that you eat pie, waffles, and Oreo thins at my funeral.

Good day.


17 thoughts on “I have a cold. I will die soon.

  1. You poor thing! I understand your pain…I teach 5th and 6th graders who are germ magnets extraordinaire.
    Last week it was projectile vomiting befitting Linda Blair in the Exorcist!

    Get well soon.

  2. Sorry you are not feeling well. Way to go, blame your impending demise on the kid! He is only trying to exercise your immune system, lol. Hope you feel better soon!

  3. Love your sense of humor! Hope you are better and that there is no funeral looming, anymore. I’d prefer that you stay alive and keep writing. Everyone can use a laugh, and books are a great way to get the laughter fix.

  4. I’m so sorry that you’re under the weather (whatever that means). I’ve been keeping the recliner warm this week myself. I found that a combo of Nyquil and Ramen noodles made me feel less like crying about it. Also, my silver lining was catching up on GBBO that your lovely wife has been talking about so often. Great show! Hope you feel like running and doing push ups again soon.

  5. Sorry you’re unwell. Put Vick’s on the bottom of your feet and back of your neck at bedtime. Old woman’s remedy. DRINK LOTS OF FLUIDS. Bourbon warmed with honey & lemon. Get well. I’m certain that writing another chapter, book, etc. will make you feel better. I know it will make your readers feel better. Always does.

  6. Oh, the Manflu! I was just sent that video, and it’s ever so true! I guess the video went viral!* bad puns with first cup of coffee* I hope you feel better soon, stay hydrated, remember everyone is waiting on you to write, writer friend!?

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