Outlander: No memes. No jokes this week.

What I learned this week:
1. Cait won the Emmy.
2. That episode makes everyone reconsider their own (often painful) history.

I wrote this in 1998 after we lost a child. Hope it holds up over time.

Stillborn
His physician’s coat rustles
as he leaves-
 the door glides shut, to leave my wife
and I alone with the fluorescent hum
of the lights, a cold steel table
and our sadness.
Our spirits as empty as her womb
her shuffle is tender,
towards the door
to the car
each step normal
just like my stop at the nurse.
Her smile is pasty
she hands me my son in a bag.
On the ride home, I stare at his face
hoping he fogs the plastic
but the bag is as still as the air in the car.
We walk, the yard is frosty
she watches me from the window
as I stop near the hickory
and start to dig.
The pit (grave) is tiny
and the walls collapse
on his face.
Bones pull hardest
when they are small.
The walk back to the house is long.
Summers later, we lay rigid
next to each other
the fear of each furtive union causing wonder:
Will I dig again?

5 thoughts on “Outlander: No memes. No jokes this week.

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a child is never easy and is a lifelong account of suffering and grief. One so tiny is tragic. I lost my grandson almost 5 years ago. He would be 12 this year. The pain never goes away.

  2. I still see my boy after open heart surgery and will always. Something so impacting should leave a mark. Your poem will leave a mark.My heart goes out to you.

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